Write what you know
by BalloonWitBlueGlassesObviously
Summary: What the title says I guess O.o No idea where this is going but yeah :D Maybe this'll be a M in the end but *yawn* it's late


Oh hello there. I've updated this now. It's revised. Exciting stuff.

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Roxas came home from that Monday of school feeling reflective and a little stressed. It was December, and it was dark before he got home- he walked with his hands in his coat pockets, chin protected against the cold with a Slytherin scarf he had bought from the Harry Potter studios. The streets stretch and came to a point ahead on the horizon, rimmed by houses squatting at different heights over their dark gardens, watching him go by the street light's gentle glow.

Past Station Heights, and down the hill and the well-lit alley, the train could be heard leaving in the distance, a quiet rattling that faded away. He saw the usual back doors with peeling paint and chipped bricks, a pile-down converter with an electrical hazard sign; a loose barbed wire sentinel strewn about it.

Roxas was hungry, too, among other things. Having forgotten to take lunch to school, (on a p.e day of all possibilities.) He supposed he really ought to set his alarm earlier on Mondays, to offset his tendency to spend a half hour every morning watching Australian Masterchef with his cereal before school, which usually makes him late.

His Ipod changed to Burgmullers "La Chevaleresque" as he took a quick turn and was on his street. It spins out in front of him, a familiar distribution of hedges and bushes, street lights, gates- the odd cat. He could see it all with his eyes closed; he'd walked this route so many times.

Watching misty breaths at even intervals, Roxas turned into his home's front lawn, dodging past his dad's Peugeot 206 rally. It was an old car, and not in a good way either- but Roxas's dad worked in a garage as a mechanic. If ever the car needed something, he had the parts to keep it going.

After struggling with numb fingers and frostbitten hands to get the key in the front door successfully, he was home. The bags fell off of his shoulder, the scarf and coat coming shortly after, the shoes; Roxas closed the door with a gentle push and relinquished a satisfied sigh.

"I'm home!" He called as a test.

There was no answer.

Roxas promptly assumed his dad is working late and starts singing along to "Back to Black" as it comes on shuffle, dancing a little into the living room-

And jumped out of his skin at the sight of Cloud's spiky hair poking out under a cushion, his arm cast over his head, one leg bent and his other arm around Debbie. Recovering from his shock, Roxas thought she must have leapt on top of him after he'd fallen asleep- Cloud wouldn't let her on their sofa for anything. Though, Cloud wouldn't normally be sleeping in his smelly grease-rag work clothes either.

One of them is snoring, and Roxas laughed when he realised it was Cloud, and Debbie woke up, trying to recognise him through the haze of her sleepy mind. She puts her head back down again, the picture of doggy sadness when suddenly Cloud shoots upright, the cushion ricocheting off of the wall, Debbie yelping and running over to her bed to hide, as Roxas collapses into a chair.

"Was she sleeping on me?"

Roxas laughed, "Yeah, it was adorable, I should've taken a picture." The look Roxas received was enough to shut him up, but he just mock-grinned back. He was used to this. "Hey dad, what are we eating tonight?"

Cloud closed his eyes like he had just woken up to a hangover. "What's the time?" He asked, patting at his half-flat hair.

"Six, I had art tonight, and me and Nam took the long way home so we could talk for a bit."

"Aren't you cold?" He asked, stretching and getting up.

"A little. It's not actually that cold yet, just pitch black outside by what, four?"

Cloud hummed in reply and switches on the heating as he shuffles into the kitchen to start dinner. Roxas sat there, listening to Cloud potter about making noise. "So how come I had to come in on you and Debbie sleeping together?"

"Don't even go there." He answered from behind the wall. "She'll be lucky if she gets to eat tonight now after what she did to me." Roxas laughed through his nose. "Hey, I'm gonna go shower and change- I've put some pizzas on."

"Kay."

* * *

"Food's ready!"

This is a night that will always stick in both their minds.

Roxas came downstairs to sit at the table and devour the pizza. Cloud was sat opposite, wearing a sleeveless vest and boxer shorts, his wet hair sticking to his cheeks, but Roxas didn't notice. The TV was making noise in the background.

"So."

"Hmm?"

"I had a look at your P.C. It took a while. I cleared it up though, no more virus."

"Oh." Roxas' ears were starting to burn. "Y'know, it's parents evening soon- I should go get the letter-"

"No, it can wait."

There was a pause that stretched and stretched.

Roxas felt sick. A horrible turbulent kind of sick. Like when you're waiting for a ride in a theme park. A 3 hour long queue, and then half way through you start thinking holy shit final destination oh my god we're all dead I can't do this. That, plus when you're going in for your final exams, and you're all giddy and jumpy and jittery, and you're muscles are spastic. And also, being on a ferry while the waves are really happy. Choppy-churny-puke.

"...I had a look at your search history, to see where you might have got the virus."

Heat was swelling up in his head, his ears felt like fire, and his stomach flipped. He swallowed thickly.

"There was a lot of 'Gay' and 'Gay Porn'." Roxas was silent, looking at his pizza. He hadn't looked at Cloud since he started. Cloud, however, was staring insistently at him.

"..._Are_ you gay, Roxas?"

Roxas's head nearly exploded. His stomach nearly exploded, his chest nearly exploded, his ears nearly-

"Yeah." He choked out.

Oh god. It was done. Where did that even come from? He hadn't meant to-

"Okay." A pause. "Thanks for being honest with me." Roxas just looked at his pizza in his hand, slopping over under the effect of gravity, it looked how he felt.

Another pause. Cloud kept eating in silence, Roxas just sat there with his hand balled in his lap, feeling small and unimaginably scared. It felt surreal.

"I thought, maybe it was Rikku, making you look it up. You know how she is. She's obsessed with calling everything gay at the moment-" Roxas shook his head profusely.

"It wasn't Rikku at all."

Cloud nodded to himself. You know, I'm... fine with it. I knew a couple of people back when I was in school... they weren't out, but they... I mean it was obvious that they were gay, everyone knew it. They didn't have tell people, they still got bullied for it."

"Yeah."

"Does anyone else know?"

"No..."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"I wasn't."

Cloud was quiet. "But I'd have to find out eventually. I mean, when you start going out with boys- When you're older, I would have to know. You would have to tell me."

"I... I think I just wouldn't have ever mentioned it..." Was this really happening? The sickness started to calm down, but Roxas was still uneasy to talk about something he had kept secret for so long. Roxas didn't mention the fact that he had always assumed that he and Cloud wouldn't be very close when he was older; that Roxas would just be distant, and that it would never come up, and he could avoid it all together.

Roxas put his pizza down.

"Anyway, it's late now, you should go get started on your homework-"

That night, Roxas lie in bed, thinking of all the times he'd cried when he was younger, when he had realised that what the boys at school were calling him was true. When it had occurred to him that he was gay. He remembered, being in the bath, and praying to God, to make him not gay. He remembered thinking, that if he found a genie, his very first wish would without a doubt be to not be gay, followed by having superpowers and saving the rainforest.

He felt again, for the first time ina long while, the denial he had felt, the upset. He had wondered if it was something every boy his age felt, or if it was only smart people like him, and what it meant. He thought about running away from home, and about Cloud making jokes about gays sometimes. He remembered Cloud telling him a year ago that his friend Tifa couldn't even stand to see two guys kiss.

Roxas cried, then.

He tried to hug himself, and buried his face in his pillow, lest Cloud hear him.

* * *

Well then. Tell me what you think? I was thinking Squall will be one of Roxas's teachers, and Cloud and Squall meet on a parents evening. Other than that, I think it'll be Roxas's pov, and mostly just perpetual angst with no outcome

Or maybe I'll whip out some amazing deus ex machina and make axel his buddy who knows

I don't even KNOW ANYMORE D:

review!~


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